JiveVlog

I watch The Millionaire Matchmaker. I say that without apologies. It’s a great show. Hilarious, ridiculous, and completely watchable in a trashy way. Now, I don’t watch it, like, as part of my regular television schedule. Like, I’m not waiting for it every week. I always catch it on reruns on the weekend, and I enjoy the hell out of it.

Now, do I think Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, is a good person? No. Do I think she’s talented in her chosen career path? Not really, although I do think she’s pretty good when she’s setting up gay dudes (seriously, she’s pretty gifted when she gets a gay millionaire). BUT – for all of those people who complain about how she’s full of it and how you hate her, just hold up. She is full of it, but she also says a lot of the kind of common-sense dating and relationship advice that some people need. Not all of it – but some of it. Anyway, that’s enough of me defending her.

So Page Six has a piece today about all of Patti’s disgruntled ex-clients, many of whom claim that the show misrepresented who they are in real life. They even have that creepy serial killer douche (David Vroubel) who tried to bully his date into drinking an uncooked bird fetus!

Survivors of “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger banded together Tuesday night to watch the season finale of a show that they say ruined their lives. Season 4 contestants told Page Six the mouthy matchmaker’s comments and edits have caused them professional and romantic damage, as they gathered at Hudson Terrace to drown their sorrows.

Long Island divorce lawyer Doug Kepanis, who’s described on the show’s Web site as “a divorce attorney with an ugly bod,” said business has slowed and he was dropped as a legal expert from TruTV because he appeared sexist. “It’s the busiest time of the year for divorces, and I haven’t gotten any calls since my appearance,” Kepanis said. “I have a lot of female clients — it may have turned them away.”

Millionaire Jason Teich, who’s pegged as a “tough-talking, heavy drinking guy from Brooklyn,” said he hasn’t been able to get a date since the show aired. “Producers fed me drinks and then Patti yelled at me for being an alcoholic,” Teich moaned.

David Vroubel said Stanger called him “creepy” eight times, and the episode was edited to make him look socially awkward. “They backed a bus over me and then ran it over again,” he complained. “She said she had a one-in-five success rate — come on, she can’t even get married herself.”

Elegant Affairs caterer Andrea Correale said her character was exaggerated, but it helped her business. But “some of those other guys really got their butts kicked.”

Meanwhile, sources tell us the show’s fifth season, which is about to start filming, will be Stanger’s last because Bravo producers can’t deal with her demands and tantrums.

“She thinks they aren’t giving her the respect she deserves and she’s telling friends that she’s shopping her show to other networks. But Bravo is tired of her antics, insists it owns ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ and wants to continue the show with a different matchmaker,” a source said.

Stanger could not be reached. A Bravo rep said the network will soon start production on Season 5 with Stanger, but “it is too early to say anything about Season 6.”

[From Page Six]

Uh-oh, this is the last season? Sadness. I guess I’ll have to get into another trashy show. Oh, well. As far as her ex-clients bitching about her… well, I’ve yet to see a millionaire that I would want to spend any time with, at all. They’re all, like, 50-something douches looking for a “young 20-something” blonde to start a family… except every one of them is afraid of commitment! It’s ridiculous.

UPDATE: Patti is pissed! She’s issued a denial about Page Six’s report (above). Patti says: “This is all lies, plus they’re under contract by Bravo. I don’t have control over the edits, I’m not in the editing room, you’re on a show. Look at the Kardashians, what do you think that is? It’s a reality show.” As far as Patti’s alleged “tantrums” go, Patti says: “This story is untrue.” Stanger tells E! News, “with steam practically coming from her ears.” She says that not only does Bravo not have a problem with her, but that Matchmaker is an unmitigated hit. (This week’s season finale had the show’s best ratings ever: 2.2 million viewers.) “I didn’t go anywhere, other networks approached me. I get offers from all different networks and for feature films all the time. I took one feature film.” Patti goes on to lodge specific complaints against certain dudes who were bitching about her and the show – you can read the rest of it here, at E! News.

One last thing – Patti Stanger participated in an article for Esquire Magazine. Esquire had her go through a mystery man’s online dating profile and give her opinions on what the profile said about the man. Her take is very funny – made even more funny when it’s revealed to her that the online dating profile belongs to Julian Assange. Her take on him (before she knew it was Assange):

“This man has been bruised. He’s been burned. You know, he’s got a little bit of an ego and arrogance to him — I’ll give you that. He’s going to deter all good-quality women away — he’s going to attract the diva-drama bitches. That’s what he doesn’t want, so he needs to tweak it. He doesn’t have to say, “Warning, I’m not your regular guy.” That’s a bunch of bullsh-t. If he’s going to be this negative, he deserves a negative chick.”

Okay, this is the most bitter man alive. This man is so bitter. It’s a one-size-fits-all for him; every woman is the same. Now, he might be an international dude, like you said, and he might be British. Usually the British are kind of nasty like this — I wouldn’t give the Scottish and the Irish this, but the British are kind of nasty. [Ed. Note: Assange is Australian.] He’s not your typical I’m a really nice guy, I’m looking for somebody I can grow old with, my mother has to approve of my mate. He’s not that guy. He’s I want someone who’s gone through political turmoil. Who the f-ck says that? I mean, that’s like someone who’s living in his head. You think when the penis does the picking and it gets a stiffy, he thinks about who you voted in the last election?”

He wants a woman who will give him an opinion — but I bet you he’ll hate her opinion. I will bet you he’ll slice her in half when she says what she feels. And he’s going to attract the Russians. The eastern European women are going to flock to him. Flock. And they’re farbissina as we say in the Jewish religion. They’re very miserable, they don’t smile, they’re never happy. So he’ll just keep trying to please them, and… perfect match.”

Oh, so he’s into love-making. He’ll make great love to you then tell you what’s wrong with you. That’s called ‘seducing and reducing.’

“There’s always a trauma — maybe Mommy left Daddy, maybe Mommy cheated on Daddy. Maybe his first-grade love hated his guts. There’s a trauma. He’s a nasty son of a bitch. And you know what? He should get out of this country. Go move to France, they take everyone.”

[From Esquire]

She kind of nailed him, didn’t she? That’s why I watch the show!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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